New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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