Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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