I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
