just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize