he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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