Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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