You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
