11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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