all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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