Non-Jews are for practice
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
