just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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