I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
