Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
