I can tuck mytits in my pants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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