He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize