What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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