white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
