I wish I only lived at night.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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