Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
