If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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