Can i not drive my cunt home
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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