she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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