Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
