I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
