and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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