College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
