dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You took a bar mat shot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
