every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
