Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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