The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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