please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
