we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
