Moan for me like Helen Keller
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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