You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
