He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
