I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
