she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
