I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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