giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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