Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
