i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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