Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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