At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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