We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
