I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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