it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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