i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
