gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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