Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
