i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
