I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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