i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
