I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
