so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
