sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
operation have a gay friend backfired
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
