oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
