never play flip cup with pint glasses
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im six kinds of drunk right now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
