Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
