ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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