I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would ride that face into the sunset
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
