Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize