I wanna bring you to show and tell
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize