Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
