hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
