so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
