So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
