i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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