God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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