wrigley field is MILF paradise
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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