I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
