you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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