she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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